The People's Republic of Eastern Valskovia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Feodor Alexandrov with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, public floggings, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 8.849 billion Eastern Valskovians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zavutsk. The average income tax rate is 92.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Eastern Valskovian economy, worth 763 trillion tschekovs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Trout Farming, and Information Technology. Average income is 86,331 tschekovs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Loud Patriotic Music Day has been ranked the seventh best new holiday of the year, the government is washing its hands of alleged corruption, the armed forces are locked in an expensive and bloody war abroad to stamp out possible terrorists, and diplomatic cables about Feodor Alexandrov have suddenly been very flattering. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eastern Valskovia's national animal is the Trakehner, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Eastern Valskovia is ranked 251,958^th in the world and 5,563^rd in The North Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 44.79 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.